My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize