got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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