I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
