p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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