If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
