I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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