went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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