We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
