I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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