All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
