Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
