the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
being pregnant is like rehab
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
