We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
