I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
