Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
