Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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