The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Randomize
