mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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