Say something about gay babies.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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