Quick, to the slutcave!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
