Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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