I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize