even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
