I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
