Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to be your penis for a week.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
