Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
