I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
