I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
