Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
