Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
