"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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