He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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