I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
