after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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