If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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