worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
