Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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