Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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