He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
