Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
