i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
