this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
