If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
