you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
