If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
