I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
