the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize