My girlfriend figured out who you are.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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