Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
