please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
whose parrot is this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
