I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
