Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
