"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
