I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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