1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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