I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
