Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
