My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
