Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
