I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
