she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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