I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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